Cast: Jake Gyllenhaal, Daniela Melchior, Billy Magnussen, Jessica Williams, Joaquim de Almeida, Conor McGregor, Lukas Gage, Arturo Castro, B.K. Cannon, Beau Knapp, Darren Barnet, Dominique Columbus
Genre: Action, Thriller
Director: Doug Liman
Road House is available on Prime Video from 21 March.
Road House stars Jake Gyllenhaal as Dalton, an ex-UFC fighter trying to escape his dark past and his penchant for violence, in this adrenaline-fueled actioner. Dalton is barely scraping by on the reputation that still precedes him when he is spotted by Frankie (Jessica Williams), owner of a roadhouse in the Florida Keys. She hires him to be her new bouncer in hopes of stopping a violent gang, working for crime boss Brandt (Billy Magnussen), from destroying her beloved bar. Even five to one, Brandt’s crew is no match for Dalton’s skills. But the stakes get higher with the arrival of ruthless gun-for-hire, Knox (Conor McGregor). As the brutal brawls and bloodshed escalate, the tropical Keys prove more dangerous than anything Dalton ever faced in the Octagon. Also starring Daniela Melchior, Joaquim De Almeida, Lukas Gage.
Based on the Motion Picture “Road House” Screenplay by David Lee Henry and Hilary Henkin.
“Road House” is a cinematic experience that epitomizes the term “train wreck.” Directed by Doug Liman and boasting a cast including Jake Gyllenhaal, Daniela Melchior, and Conor McGregor, this film manages to take promising ingredients and turn them into a cinematic catastrophe. From cringy acting performances to lackluster CGI, “Road House” fails to deliver on almost every level. Let’s start with the performances, particularly that of Conor McGregor. McGregor, known for his prowess in the octagon, steps into the world of acting with all the grace of a drunken brawl. His portrayal of a rugged mercenary is as believable as a unicorn in a car park. McGregor’s dialogue delivery is stilted and awkward, with each line feeling like it was being recited from a teleprompter for the very first time. His attempts at emotional depth fall flat, leaving audiences squirming in their seats rather than empathizing with his character’s plight. McGregor’s presence in “Road House” serves as a constant reminder that not all athletes are cut out for the silver screen. Despite the abysmal acting, “Road House” does manage to salvage some entertainment value through its fight scenes. Choreographed with flair and finesse, these sequences showcase Jake Gyllenhaal’s physical prowess and elevate the film from complete disaster to merely mediocre. Gyllenhaal’s dedication to his role as the enigmatic bouncer brings a sense of authenticity to the action, allowing audiences to momentarily forget the cringe-inducing performances of his co-stars. However, even the most captivating fight scenes cannot save “Road House” from its myriad of other flaws.
One of the most egregious missteps in “Road House” is its reliance on ropey CGI. From poorly-rendered explosions to laughable boat chases, the film’s visual effects leave much to be desired. Scenes that are meant to inspire awe instead elicit groans of disbelief as audiences are forced to suspend their disbelief to a degree that borders on absurdity. It’s as if the filmmakers raided a low-budget special effects studio and hoped for the best. The end result is a cinematic spectacle that feels more at home on a SyFy original movie marathon than in a reputable theater. Beyond its technical shortcomings, “Road House” also suffers from a half-hearted and boring screenplay. Filled with clichés and predictable plot twists, the film’s narrative fails to engage audiences on any meaningful level. Characters are one-dimensional, motivations are murky at best, and dialogue is riddled with cringe-inducing one-liners that would make even the most seasoned action movie aficionado roll their eyes. It’s as if the writers took a paint-by-numbers approach to storytelling, opting for tired tropes and tired dialogue instead of genuine creativity. Even the most forgiving audience members will struggle to find redeeming qualities in “Road House.” Its mishmash of bad acting, uninspired writing, and shoddy visual effects makes for an experience that is more torturous than entertaining. While Jake Gyllenhaal’s commendable performance and entertaining fight scenes offer brief respites from the film’s overall mediocrity, they ultimately fail to elevate “Road House” beyond its status as a forgettable flop.
“Road House” is a cinematic disaster of epic proportions. Conor McGregor’s cringy acting, coupled with ropey CGI and a poor screenplay, ensure that this film will go down in history as a prime example of how not to make a movie. Save yourself the agony and skip this one altogether. Your brain cells will thank you.
Overall: 4/10
Movie Reviewer
