This is itallic text that describes what pick of the week is all about. Sometimes it makes it up here and sometimes it doesn’t. Basically, if posed with the question of “What should I buy if I only had money for ONE comic?” the pick would be my answer. I can be yours too, but I hope you have more money for comics than I do. -Adam The following column has been brought to you by Ramon Villalobos.
Alright, listen. I don’t want to be the one to tell you this but somebody has to and it looks like I’m the only one that has the journalistic integrity to deliver the cold hard facts to the Comicbuzz readership. Adam certainly won’t do it. The man is afraid of spiders. Spiders. Do you know how much a spider weighs? Neither do I. They are so light and insignificant that nobody has ever bothered weighing them. That’s like being afraid of a newly formed fetus. I would squash both the fetus and the spider with the same casual indifference that I would shooting a gorilla in the face with a shotgun so that I could cut off its hands and use them as ashtrays. The point is, you should all read Batman, Inc this week. If you aren’t, I’m afraid you will die alone.
Okay Poindexter, I know what you’re thinking, “But Ramon Villalobos, last bastion of journalistic integrity, I don’t have room on my pull-list for your recommendation!” Well guess what jerky, I don’t want to hear all that noise. Drop everything if you have to. Whatever your favorite book is, it’s been rendered pointless because Batman, Inc. is back and whatever writer and artist are on your favorite book, they’re not as good as Grant Morrison and Chris Burnham at this point in time. I’m not saying they’re the best creative team ever, obviously. That would be Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely or something along those lines. Don’t question me about it. Just accept it and move on.
If you’re wondering why I’m so especially hostile, it’s probably because last time I filled in for Adam on this Pick of the Week thing I gave you a detailed and well reasoned argument as to why you should buy a certain one shot that DC Comics put out called Batman Inc. Leviathan Strikes. It was perhaps the most riveting thing ever written on this or any other comic book website so when Adam asked me to fill in again when the next book came out I was a little concerned for you all. “Why would that be necessary?” I asked myself when I was alone with my thoughts. “Didn’t they listen to me? Didn’t they understand? Have they forgotten? Did they never read it to begin with?” The burden of responsibility isn’t on me. I did my part! I informed you exactly why you should read Batman Inc. once before. For me to tell you all again why you should read an extension of that book seems like you don’t value my time. You think I’m just over here humming Rhianna’s smash single, “We Found Love” while I’m sitting on my hands staring vacantly at the ceiling, don’t you? Well I’m not! I’m busy. I’m busy thinking important thoughts, having important conversations with important people about a bevy important subjects. And you’re just on Comicbuzz. If ANYONE’S time is not valuable, it’s not mine. No no, it’s YOURS.
So listen, I don’t care what your plans WERE this Wednesday but let me inform you as to what they ARE. You are going to wake up, go to the bathroom and relieve yourself of your night’s acquired waste, step into some water and wash off the layer of filth that you’ve let amass on that stinking ugly thing that manages to retain your consciousness, brush your teeth to rid your breath of the rotting odor of whatever alcohol you used to drink yourself to sleep, use some q-tips to scrub the wax from your ears, run a comb through your hair like a civilized human being, and take some public transportation to your nearest comic book store. Don’t drive there because the environment is dying and you need to seriously thinking about lowering your carbon footprint. Don’t walk or run there because you’re not fast enough. Immediately purchase Batman, Inc. Read it. Read it again. Read it AGAIN. At this point, you still don’t have an acceptable grasp on the material if you have to be informed to buy Batman, Inc so read it thrice more. Good. Now carry about your day. You’re very welcome.